Injuries

I felt a twinge in my calf muscle whilst climbing stairs today, and I instantly thought, "Another pain."

For the record, here is a complete (current) list of Injuries I Am Carrying:

Right big toe; bony osteophytes
Left ankle; strained ligaments
Right calf; twinge (unknown)
Left hamstring; strain
Lower back; muscle pain
Right shoulder; restricted abduction movement (Or something. I can't lift my arm up sideways.)
Neck; muscle pain (and it cracks beautifully)
Left wrist; bony osteophytes
Left middle finger; damaged ligament

Which reminds me of Jerome K Jerome:

" I remember going to the British Museum one day to read up the treatment for some slight ailment of which I had a touch--hay fever, I fancy it was. I got down the book, and read all I came to read; and then, in an unthinking moment, I idly turned the leaves, and began to indolently study diseases, generally. I forget which was the first distemper I plunged into--some fearful, devastating scourge, I know--and, before I had glanced half down the list of "premonitory symptoms," it was borne in upon me that I had fairly got it.

I sat for awhile, frozen with horror; and then, in the listlessness of despair, I again turned over the pages. I came to typhoid fever--read the symptoms--discovered that I had typhoid fever, must have had it for months without knowing it--wondered what else I had got; turned up St. Vitus's Dance--found, as I expected, that I had that too,--began to get interested in my case, and determined to sift it to the bottom, and so started alphabetically--read up ague, and learnt that I was sickening for it, and that the acute stage would commence in about another fortnight. Bright's disease, I was relieved to find, I had only in a modified form, and, so far as that was concerned, I might live for years. Cholera I had, with severe complications; and diphtheria I seemed to have been born with. I plodded conscientiously through the twenty-six letters, and the only malady I could conclude I had not got was housemaid's knee.

I felt rather hurt about this at first; it seemed somehow to be a sort of slight. Why hadn't I got housemaid's knee? Why this invidious reservation? After a while, however, less grasping feelings prevailed. I reflected that I had every other known malady in the pharmacology, and I grew less selfish, and determined to do without housemaid's knee. Gout, in its most malignant stage, it would appear, had seized me without my being aware of it; and zymosis I had evidently been suffering with from boyhood. There were no more diseases after zymosis, so I concluded there was nothing else the matter with me."

I suspect my skeletomusclar system (musculoskeletal system?) is wearing very thin. If anyone has a replacement skeletomusclar system (musculoskeletal system?), and fells inclined to go for a bit of radical, ground-breaking experimental transplant action, get in touch.

(I've talked about this with My Lady Friend. We find a spare body, and divide it between us - she gets a new digestive system, I get a new skeleton, she gets a new skin, I get extra memory, etc.)

The song that got annoyingly stuck in my head today:
A new addition to the blog here. I thought it might help me. Today's entry is Gethsemane, from Jesus Christ Superstar. Why is that stuck in my head?